No Bones About It

The McRib™ sandwich is horrid. Just the concept of a pork-based molded meat product composed of heart, tongue, tripe, stomach and other “byproducts” is ghastly. (The word “based” in “pork-based” alone gives me the heebie-jeebies.) Yet somehow, fast food diners are able to suspend their disbelief when the end-product is delivered to them in a cute, cartoony rib shape.

Even if you’re able to turn a blind eye to the meaty contents, the fact that it is chock full of propyl gallate should give you pause. Propyl gallate is a preservative that keeps fat from going rancid. As an extra added bonus, it also acts as an “estrogen antagonist” when ingested. What’s an estrogen antagonist, you ask? It’s a substance that binds to the girly hormone receptors in your body effectively turning away estrogen like the holy family at the lodges of Bethlehem. “No room in the inn, estrogen! Get lost!” Now, I’m not saying that eating the McRib™ will make you grow a mustache, ladies, but why take the risk?

Shockingly, the patty isn’t even the worst part of this culinary calamity. The bun contains azodicarbonamide. Though used as a flour-bleaching agent in the McRib, it is more commonly used in the manufacture of foamed plastics, like that used in the soles of shoes or yoga mats. Our friends in Britain and Australia have banned the use of this compound as a food additive, even in animal foods.

Now, I’m the first to admit that I am not the healthiest when it comes to my diet. But the statistics on the McRib™ are shocking.

The McRib™ has the same amount of calories as:

  • 10 Oranges
  • An entire box of Ritz™ Crackers
  • 4 Cans of Minestrone Soup
  • 5 Cups of Cole Slaw

 

And the same amount of fat as:

  • Over a full stick of Margarine
  • 7 servings of turkey
  • 9 Cups of Macaroni and Cheese
  • 4 glazed donuts

 

And the same amount of sugar as:

  • 4 bottles of Thousand Island dressing
  • 3 Clif ™ Bars
  • 4 Bowls of Rice Krispies™
  • Over two cans of Red Bull™

 

And the same amount of sodium as:

  • 2 Bags of Microwave Popcorn
  • A Whole box of Wheat Thins™
  • 3 Cups of Mixed Nuts
  • Ten Slices of White Bread

No one goes to McDonald’s expecting a healthy meal, but the McRib™ has a lack of nutrition and startlingly toxic contents that makes its cult following irrational. If you’re going to eat a McRib™ sandwich, you may as well buy a carton of Marlboros and join Honey Boo Boo for a plate of “sketti”, too.

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