New Math

Last night at the high school football game, after finding a spot in the stands to watch the festivities, my sweetheart and I encountered a group of three cheerleaders selling programs. These three were characters right out of a Disney Channel sit-com.

We motioned them over, and my sweetheart asked, “How much?”

“Seven dollars,” one cheerleader replied.

“Seven dollars!? How much for one?” asked my sweetheart, with a chuckle.

“Seven dollars,” she replied in exactly the same tone, and with the addition of a vacant expression.

My sweetheart laughed some more, saying that this was awfully pricey. She answered by saying, “Think of it as a constitibu… a contrisit…. uh…”

“A contribution?” I suggested.

“Yeah,” she agreed with a sheepish smile, “for the school.” My sweetheart told her we’d like one, handing her a ten dollar bill.

She turned to the second cheerleader to get change, and was interrupted by the third cheerleader who was all in a dither-and-a-do-dah. “OK, so that guy over there gave me twenty-two dollars. I need change.”

They paused, and looked at each other with their lips parted and eyes wide. “Hold on,” said cheerleader number two. “Let me get out the calculator on my phone to make sure we do this right.”

After a minute or so of punching buttons on the phone and some animated conversation between the three of them, cheerleader number three said, “OK, I need fifteen ones.”

I briefly considered giving them some additional advice, but before I could another crisis arose. “I don’t have fifteen ones left. I only have eight,” said cheerleader number two.

“Oh, no. I guess I’ll have to give him a ten and five ones then,” replied cheerleader number three.

Cheerleader number one then refocused on us, obtained the remaining three one-dollar bills from cheerleader number two, and handed them to us along with our program.

I guess we’re lucky she had those three ones left.

Leave a Reply