The Ten Stages of Stomach Flu

  1. A tentative queasiness starts, followed by intermittent stomach cramps. Maybe it’s just PMS. Check the calendar– no such luck.
  2. I’m OK. Just ignore it and it’ll go away. Have a 7-Up or a ginger ale.
  3. OHMIGAWD! Excuse me… I have to… BLAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!
  4. Oh, I feel better now. I must have gotten it out of my system. That’s a relief. I think I’ll have a bowl of Froot Loops.
  5. OHMIGAWD! I’m barfing a rainbow of fruity flavor. Kill me now.
  6. OK, I’m definitely better now, except it’s really hot in here… Now it’s really cold in here… Quit adjusting the thermostat!
  7. ACK! Excuse me. I need a little time in the bathroom.
  8. HOLY $#%&! How can that much poop come out of one person!?
  9. OHMIGAWD! Toilet, please finish flushing before I barf again… BLAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!
  10. Someone please bring some bleach, some old towels, and my pillow into the bathroom. This is my room now.

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