Do a thorough background check of all childcare providers.
(They might be grooming your child for world domination.)
Don’t meddle in other people’s business.
(You might get a lightning rod to the neck.)
Don’t underestimate sibling rivalry.
(Sometimes your kids’ inability to “get along” is more serious than you think.)
Do make frequent backups of your records.
(If they’re destroyed by a fire, you may have to dig up a grave to get the data you need.)
Do check your children for birthmarks, moles, and other marks.
(You may prevent skin cancer or the rise of the Antichrist.)
Don’t forget that dog really is man’s best friend.
(He will stay by your side and protect you even if you are evil.)