Deadpan

I’m starting to think that sarcasm and dry wit are actually handicaps. Here’s a typical conversation between me and my family.

    Sweetheart: “This tastes really good.”

    Me: “Yeah. You can barely taste the arsenic.”

    Son: [Freezes with the fork approaching his mouth] “What’s arsenic?”

    Daughter: “Mother, you don’t realize how serious you sound when you say things like that.”

    Me: “What? It’s just a little family annihilation humor. All in good fun.”

    Daughter: “That’s exactly what I mean! You sound like you are telling the truth. You’re just too good a liar.”

    Me: “I missed my calling; I should have been a grifter. Then I could cheat you all out of your hard-earned money and run off to a foreign land. Saps.”

    Daughter: “See! This is why people think you’re mean when you think you’re joking.”

    Son: “Seriously. What’s arsenic?”

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