If you’re a dog owner then you have a good chance of understanding my upcoming rant. If not, you might want to skip this post altogether as it may put either my sanity or my hygiene into question… maybe both.
Our dog Taylor, an adorable Cavalier whose intellect is rivaled by your average garden trowel, has developed an obsessive fetish for women’s underwear. She prefers specimens she selects from the dirty laundry. Once she picks one out she finds the most unobtrusive place to enjoy her prize. By “enjoy” I mean that she… well… not to put too fine a point on it… she chews the crotch out of them.
This habit is bad enough on several levels, but the worst thing is that she seems to have an uncanny knack for selecting only the nice, cute, sexy panties, and she leaves the old, droopy, granny panties alone. Thus, I have been reduced to saggy drawers and noticeable panty-lines.
I have considered approaching the ASPCA or the Humane Society for a grant to purchase lacy and silky replacements, but I am not sure they would see the connection between rescuing homeless dogs and new underwear. Though I could be tempted to drop Taylor off on a lonely country road if she continues her sneaky, panty-snacking ways. (Not really.)
What I really need is a skivvies sponsor. An undie underwriter. A panties patron. And so I humbly ask you, readers of this blog and dog lovers, to join the Campaign for Booty Beauty. For less than the cost of a cup of coffee* you can clothe my posterior for a whole day. And if you contribute $25 or more, I will write your name in my new panties in tribute to you for your generous contribution. Your donation can keep my booty stylishly covered for a day, a week, or a lifetime.
If you would like to join the Campaign for Booty Beauty, please SEND A GIFT CARD to email@example.com.
*Starbucks Venti Triple Latte