A Rose is a Rose… Except When It’s From Your Ex

One of the employees at my day job stopped by to drop off a doctor’s note for a leave of absence she had just started. She had a big, bulky bandage on her hand when she came in to talk to me. I politely asked her what had happened. That was a big mistake. Here’s how the story went.

“Well, my ex-hus… uh… soon-to-be-ex-husband, who I have a restraining order against, even though he’s not supposed to contact me EVER sent me flowers yesterday. He sent me roses, which he should know that I don’t even like after so many years of marriage, and there were blue bonnets, and lilies, which I really don’t like at all, all in a big vase…”

At this point, my mind was racing with possibilities for the punchline to the story. Was the vase booby-trapped to explode when she picked it up? Was it filled with corrosive acid that burned her hand? Did it contain a super magnet that crushed her fingers between the vase and a metal object when she was carrying it?

“So I go to leave last night and I set the vase on top of my car and get out my keys and the vase falls and I tried to catch it… and I almost did catch it, but it shattered and cut right through the tendon on the back of my hand, and I was in the ER from the time I left here until early this morning… all because he couldn’t follow the restraining order.”

Needless to say, at this point I was really regretting asking her about her hand in the first place. I was also amazed at how much of this information was delivered in run-on sentences and one breath.

“So, I called him and told him that he should never, ever, EVER contact me again, and shouldn’t call me and he shouldn’t text me and he shouldn’t send me flowers or anything, ever. I had two hours of surgery last night and it should be OK now but it has to heal and I need my ex to stay away.”

Reviewing her story in my mind, I really can’t understand why the “soon-to-be-ex-husband” part of the story was even necessary, or the restraining order, or specifying the types of flowers for that matter. But it was clear that she was convinced that this was 100% her ex’s fault. I wonder what he thought when he heard this story.

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