Corporate Lexicon

Here are just a few of my personal favorites.  Submissions of additional entries will be accepted and posted with a snarky chuckle.   

 

Pulse [puhls] n.  a measurement of the pissed-quotient of the work force.

Blamestorming [bleyhm  stawrm-ing]  n.  The follow up meeting where the person who has the fewest political and social alliances is agreed to be at fault for every failure.

Come To Jesus Meeting [kuhm  too  jee-zuhs  mee-ting]  n.  A hostile meeting orchestrated by incompetent management to interrogate a clueless subordinate.

Low Hanging Fruit [loh  hang-ing  froot]  n.   The portion of your project you should be ashamed for not already having completed.

Throw Under the Bus [throh  uhn-der  thee  buhs] v.  A corporate maneuver performed on a repeated basis like calisthenics that requires one to blame a peer and distance oneself from an error, similar in awkwardness to a squat thrust.

“Please advise.” [pleez  ad-vahyz] phrase The ultimate way to shift responsibility to someone else, by forwarding an email and asking them for their recommendation.

Level the Playing Field [lev-uhl  thee  pley-ing  feeld] v. An action aimed at equalization that results in pissing off high performers and allowing low performers to continue to hide in the weeds.

Outside the Box [out-sahyd  thee boks] adj.  Describes radical ideas based solely on common sense.  Great sources for this sort of thinking are kindergarteners and autistic savants.

Hit the Ground Running [hit  thee  ground ruhn-ing] v.  At the start of a new job, or a new task, immediately making intelligent and significant contributions, despite not having a clue what the hell is going on.

SME [smee]  n.  “Subject Matter Expert” or the person who uses the greatest percentage of corporate speak and polysyllabic words to explain a given concept.

 

2 thoughts on “Corporate Lexicon

  1. “Deliverable”: A fancy word for the thing that is produced as a result of your work – a product. This could be a spreadsheet, an email, a powerpoint, a web design, or a turd.

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