An Ode to the Chigger

Oh dreadful, cruel, insidious pest,

That causes me immense distress.

Burning, stinging, vile itch,

Six-legged freaks make me their bitch.

Lowly Trombiculidae,

Dine on ankle, calf, and thigh.

Contemptible vindictive mites!

The agony of a thousand bites!

WebMD advises “intense irritation,”

And “scratching causes laceration.”

“Bleach and nail polish?” I ask with disbelief.

Home remedies provide no relief.

Rubbing lesions to the bone,

With calamine and hydrocortisone.

For when I don my summer knickers,

I am the prey of asshole chiggers.

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