Oh dreadful, cruel, insidious pest,
That causes me immense distress.
Burning, stinging, vile itch,
Six-legged freaks make me their bitch.
Dine on ankle, calf, and thigh.
Contemptible vindictive mites!
The agony of a thousand bites!
WebMD advises “intense irritation,”
And “scratching causes laceration.”
“Bleach and nail polish?” I ask with disbelief.
Home remedies provide no relief.
Rubbing lesions to the bone,
With calamine and hydrocortisone.
For when I don my summer knickers,
I am the prey of asshole chiggers.